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Author Topic: Joke of the day thread  (Read 9211 times)

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Offline Trev

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #50 on: April 27, 2011, 09:21:07 PM »
I'll come wait at your house, i just need food, soda, and allowed to sit in your car and go "vroooooooooooom psttttt pop pop " VROOOOOOOOM, pop pop (anti lag  :2funny: )
Buy it. Slam it. Boost it. Smash it,

Offline Turbaru

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #51 on: April 27, 2011, 10:36:47 PM »
just take the purple one, with a wagon in tow behind it  :crazy2:

Daryl, thats a good idea. Im going to have to fab up some kind of bracket though for the JD handle, keeps rubbing on the rear tire.



Quote
I'll come wait at your house, i just need food, soda, and allowed to sit in your car and go "vroooooooooooom psttttt pop pop " VROOOOOOOOM, pop pop (anti lag   )

 :mrgreen: I gots a couple Omaha steaks left, chessy poofs, some Sprite and a duck call. You can make all the noises you want. You hook up some anti-lag and I'll throw in HelloKitty! Check out dem whitewalls!
« Last Edit: April 27, 2011, 10:40:15 PM by Turbaru »
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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #52 on: April 27, 2011, 11:09:27 PM »
that could be easier than you think.
see the bend in the handle already?  Flip the handle over so that bend is at the top (this will get you over the wheel) and just clamp on a couple feet of straight pipe (this will get you across the width of the wheel to the seat mounting point)

Just don't try stopping too fast  :-D
-Daryl (Albany)                                                                                   ಠ_ಠ
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Offline spoolordie

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #53 on: April 28, 2011, 03:31:09 PM »
FLATBRIMMER ALERT ALERT (watch the whole thing till the end) Btw who puts a graduation tassel on the rear view mirror someone who had the car bought for them  :crazy2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoO0u0oazD8&feature=related
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Online Kavik

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #54 on: April 28, 2011, 08:56:25 PM »
flatbrimmer of the year right there.....140mph on public roads and he still takes the time to take a hand off the wheel to make sure his hat is properly angled

 :roll:
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Offline LarenF3D5

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #55 on: April 28, 2011, 09:09:07 PM »
Btw who puts a graduation tassel on the rear view mirror someone who had the car bought for them  :crazy2:

Before I bought my WRX in 2007 I had 3 graduation tassels on the mirror of my minivan. FUUUUUUUU
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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #56 on: April 29, 2011, 09:28:26 AM »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-BGIcRBPHM&feature=player_embedded

funny hellaflush cartoon, based heavily on that iPhone cartoon
-Daryl (Albany)                                                                                   ಠ_ಠ
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Offline Turbaru

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #57 on: April 29, 2011, 03:18:18 PM »
I'll come wait at your house, i just need food, soda, and allowed to sit in your car and go "vroooooooooooom psttttt pop pop " VROOOOOOOOM, pop pop (anti lag  :2funny: )

Haha, is this you?  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84VRE3xfuzk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wELZvVwBlZU
« Last Edit: April 29, 2011, 03:20:41 PM by Turbaru »
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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #58 on: April 29, 2011, 03:42:41 PM »
LOL that second guy was pretty good....I'm surprised he could feel his lips by the end of that
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Offline skyphix

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #59 on: April 29, 2011, 06:16:54 PM »
second guy was awesome. Especially the VW that kept stalling :lol:
Eric

Quote me now while I'm feeling good about it.  I've decided a WRX will be the vehicle that replaces the Jeep.  I can't see paying Evo prices or justifying purchasing a halfassed/beat to death example for the same asinine amount of money.  For an affordable, point to point, all-weather capable performance car, a wagon fits the bill.  A swapped wagon, even better.

Offline Trev

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #60 on: April 29, 2011, 07:15:48 PM »
Hahaha, no no, im much worse!
Buy it. Slam it. Boost it. Smash it,

Offline Bugeye Baru

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Offline nyr8er

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #62 on: September 02, 2011, 09:26:12 PM »
bump.

Dad buys a Lie Detector Robot which slaps people when they lie.  He decides to test it out at dinner. 

"Son, where were you today?"

The son says "at school dad."  Robot slaps the son!  "Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!"

"What dvd?" asked the dad.

"Toy Story"  Robot slaps the son again!  "Ok, it was a porno" cries the son.

Dad yells "What!? When I was your age I didn't know what porn was!"  Robot then slaps the dad!

Mom laughs "HaHaHa!  He's certainly YOUR son."  Robot then slaps the mom.
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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #63 on: September 03, 2011, 12:10:19 AM »
*chuckles*
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Offline mikesiena268

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #64 on: September 04, 2011, 08:45:35 PM »
lmao its so funny how every other joke.... more like every joke is making fun of females! lmao to funny! :2funny:  :mrgreen:

Offline spoolordie

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #65 on: September 06, 2011, 08:38:05 AM »
There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders."

The blonde then replies "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"




A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.

After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours.

Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck. He panicked, wondering what to tell his wife.

After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him. Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal. Holding his neck with one hand, he said, Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!

Hell, she answered, ripping open her blouse.
Look what he did to my tits!
« Last Edit: September 06, 2011, 08:40:52 AM by spoolordie »
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Offline spoolordie

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #66 on: September 06, 2011, 08:47:42 AM »
Two thieves break into a bank in the middle of the night and open a safe. There is only some yogurt, but no money. They taste the yogurt. It's tainted.
The men open the next safe.
There is some yogurt too, it tastes much better but again - no money.
The thieves take on another safe. And there's yogurt again.

"John, why don't you go outside and look if it is indeed a bank!" says one to the other, and sits down to eat the yogurt which tastes really fresh and nutritious this time.

A couple of minutes late there comes John. "It is definitely a bank!"
"What exactly did the sign say?"
"The Sperm Bank of Ohio!"
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95 Nissan 240sx S14.5 Silvia Front Clip Rollcage Race Cah
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Offline RedRex

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #67 on: September 08, 2011, 10:05:06 PM »
>>>> Political Science for Dummies
>>>> DEMOCRAT
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows.
>>>> Your neighbor has none.
>>>> You feel guilty for being successful.
>>>> You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> REPUBLICAN
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows.
>>>> Your neighbor has none.
>>>> So?
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> SOCIALIST
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> COMMUNIST
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it.
>>>> It is expensive and sour.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows. Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> AMERICAN CORPORATION
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
>>>> You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
>>>> You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
>>>> Your stock goes up.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> FRENCH CORPORATION
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine.
>>>> Life is good
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> JAPANESE CORPORATION
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
>>>> They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
>>>> Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> GERMAN CORPORATION
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> ITALIAN CORPORATION
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
>>>> You break for lunch.  Life is good.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> RUSSIAN CORPORATION
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows. You drink some vodka.
>>>> You count them and learn you have five cows.
>>>> You drink some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> TALIBAN CORPORATION
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have all the cows in  Afghanistan , which are two.
>>>> You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the  US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> IRAQI CORPORATION
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two cows. They go into hiding.
>>>> They send radio tapes of their mooing.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>>
>>>> POLISH CORPORATION
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> BELGIAN CORPORATION
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic.
>>>> Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
>>>> The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk..
>>>> The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
>>>> The cow dies happy.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> FLORIDA CORPORATION
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one.  Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither.. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best looking cow.
>>>>
>>>> 
>>>> CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
>>>>    
>>>>
>>>> You have millions of cows. They make real   California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal.
>>>> Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
>>>> 

 :-)

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Offline nyr8er

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #68 on: September 08, 2011, 10:24:02 PM »
 :2funny: :2funny:  that's awesome.  +1
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Offline RedRex

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #69 on: September 18, 2011, 01:29:49 PM »
"The Bank Teller"

President Obama walks into a Bank of America and says to a cashier, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me"?

Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID"?

Obama:
"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barrack Obama, the President of the United States.

Cashier:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the Government regulations, monitoring of the banks because of imposters and forgers, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

Obama:
"Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier:
"I am sorry, but these are government and bank rules and I must follow them."

Obama:
"I am urging you please to cash this check."

Cashier:
"Look, this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank lobby into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and we cashed his check."

"Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and served an ace shot directly into the center of our bank logo 90 feet away. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?"

Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says:
"Honestly, nothing comes to mind I can't think of a single thing I can do."

Cashier:
"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"
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Offline hydrochloric

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #70 on: September 18, 2011, 08:12:23 PM »
....I'm torn on whether that's a + or a - 1.  He's been less effective than hoped, but it's also not all his fault (read: Republicans in the House saying directly they would do all they could to oppose him).
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Offline spoolordie

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Online Kavik

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #72 on: September 21, 2011, 11:58:07 AM »
-Daryl (Albany)                                                                                   ಠ_ಠ
['14 Mazda3 SGT]     ['03 Sonic Yellow WRX Wagon]     ['05 WRB WRX Wagon]     ['02 PSM WRX Sedan]

Offline spoolordie

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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #73 on: September 21, 2011, 01:02:35 PM »
+1 to kavik video rules hard
02 WRX Domtuned/Hella Slammed/Turbo Swapped
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08 DRZ400sm super-motarded
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Re: Joke of the day thread
« Reply #74 on: September 21, 2011, 01:19:03 PM »
back at ya Dan, I found it in two clicks from the one you just posted lol
-Daryl (Albany)                                                                                   ಠ_ಠ
['14 Mazda3 SGT]     ['03 Sonic Yellow WRX Wagon]     ['05 WRB WRX Wagon]     ['02 PSM WRX Sedan]
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